lalalazor

Failure = learning

It's one of my aspirations in life to be a missed connection on Craigslist. Here are the ones I'm watching for tonight.

Girl at the Library
The fact that it took you 10 minutes to figure out how new bookdrop works was absolutely endearing. And the way you jumped when it finally sucked your book in was adorable. Maybe we can get together sometime and reminisce over the old style hole-in-the-wall bookdrops.

Toyota Chick!
Your sexy green '94 Toyota combined with your wet black hair (at 11:30 in the morning!) compelled me to shout out the window of my car, "YOU'RE NOT MARRIED, ARE YOU?". You lied and said you were! Maybe you just didn't want to get into an altercation with the woman in my car that you mistakenly thought was my girlfriend. Maybe you were flustered by my wit and poise. Whatever it was, I won't hold it against you that you blurted out a lie about your marital status. Contact me and you can come clean.

Saw you at Sendik's
You: Goth chick with cool rings, OMG pwnies t-shirt, and romaine lettuce.
Me: The tall guy stocking the pumpkin display.
I can tell we have a lot in common. I, too, love Nintendo and My Little Ponies. Would you like to play Magic the Gathering sometime? Let me know!

The PICC line is out!

#1

I was getting the 3rd of 21 daily doses (21 days, not 21 doses a day. That's just crazy talk!) of intravenous antibiotics this morning. I was sitting and reading and my arm was propped up on a pillow. I reached a pause in the book and I glanced at my arm just in time to see a bubble of air slide down the hose and disappear into my arm.

In times of great distress, I tend to freeze up while my mind races through all of the terrifying possibilities.* Air in my veins! Is my heart going to stop? There's got to be some kind of failsafe or something or people would die from IV's all the time. Maybe it's not a big deal. Am I going to die? How long will it take? A couple minutes? This afternoon? No. There's got to be some kind of valve or siphon or something to keep air out. I'm probably going to die. Shit.

By this time the nurse had disappeared to care for some other patients. I don't have a call button or anything and I'm attached to a machine that plugs into the wall, so I'm not going anywhere. Besides, what's she going to do? Suck the air back out? It's long gone now. A ticking time bomb waiting to explode my heart. For my own sanity I decided to believe that there had to be some sort of mechanism built into the PICC Line to prevent air from entering my veins. Yeah, that's it! Everything would be fine.

A couple of minutes later my bag of antibiotics emptied and the machine started beeping as normal. The nurse came to unhook me and flush the line. There are two hoses hanging out of me, a red one and a blue one and the medication all goes in through the blue one. When she flushes them she sucks a bit of fluid out with the syringe then injects saline. This time, when she sucked the stuff out of the red one I saw my good friend Air Bubble pop out. Turns out, that's what the red one is for.

The End

*Yes, I know, it was stupid not to have gotten the nurse right away. Like I said, I froze.

#2

As we were driving home from the hospital we saw 2 geese and a whole gaggle of baby geese crossing (and by "crossing", I mean "standing in the middle of") the road. I'm guessing one of the geese was the father. I had no idea that geese parent in pairs. I thought Dad just ran off to let Mom do all the work. Turns out I was wrong.

The End

I managed to embarrass myself within 30 seconds of getting out of bed today. I awoke to the sound of our back screen door opening. The dog started freaking out, and Roger was in the shower. I got up feeling kind of pissy and thinking that we got some sort of pamphlet from the Mormons or something, but I figured I'd better go see what was going on just in case someone was trying to break in through the back door in broad daylight. One never knows.

Keep in mind, I don't have my contacts in so I can't see a thing. I'm in my pajamas, my hair is all over the place, and I probably smell bad. Anyway, I open the back door, looking down to find the package or whatever it is, and there's a PERSON! I jumped about 10 feet in the air and actually yelped. Like a scared little girl. When I jumped, the lady at the door jumped too. She was probably trying to decide if I was going to try and kill her or if I was just going to run away. Then she was all like "I'm from the gas company! Here's my badge! See!" and she's waving the badge around like it's going to fend me off or something. Fun times! I started laughing and told her I hadn't heard her knock and she startled me. She told me she didn't knock, she rang the doorbell. Then I got to tell her the story of how the previous owners of the house took the doorbell when they left, hahaha! I'm not crazy! Really!

So she checked our gas meter for leaks, asked if she could see our dog (sure, he's huge and crazy, but if you really want!), and left. I went back to bed and tried not to die of mortification.